The Trouble with Letters
by Andil
Summary: Hermione finds a letter she cannot believe, then finds herself in an odd situation. Post HBP.


**_Disclaimer- Alas, it is still not mine, though I still wish that it were, considering how much I write on it..._**

**_And so it begins…_**

He trembled beside me, still in shock from all the things that had happened that day, everything that had happened this last year. I don't blame him. He never expected anything, especially from me. I don't blame him for that thought, I never expected anything from me either, yet it all happened, like a whirlwind, it happened. I even found it hard to believe, its just that I knew about my plan a lot sooner than he did. That thought made me smile, even as bittersweet as it came. I looked out the window of the plane as best I could because he blocked my view. It was something to look at that wasn't muggle.

I sighed and placed a hand on his arm, which tensed briefly then went back to shaking. I really didn't know what to say to him, I had just torn us away from everything either of us had ever known, for purely selfish reasons. I didn't regret it. I watched him stare out the window, wondering how long he would go without blinking, when I found myself nodding off. I decided to give into the feeling and closed my eyes, more relaxed than I had felt in months.

/SSSSSSS/

It had all started last summer at Hogwarts, Former School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, when we were all looking for clues for Professor Snape's whereabouts. We had been searching his personal quarters for nearly an hour when I bumped into a wall that sounded a bit hollow. I knew I should have said something immediately, but my usual curiosity got the better of me and I opened it first, which was easy… sort of. There were only about ten protection and concealment spells over the little nook, give or take. I knew it had to be something important, especially when I found out all that protected a single brick. Had I ever let Harry know I had done this, he would have killed me for openly taking anything that had been 'that evil git's' as he likes to put it. Yet, even though I think that what he did was horrid, I never did believe the man was evil, it simply didn't seem right to me. After about three minutes of removing charms and spells, I removed the brick to find a letter. I looked behind me and there was nobody there, so I took the letter and replaced the brick.

Then I did something I still wonder about to this day: I replaced all the enchantments that I had removed, and pocketed the letter without a word to anyone. For some reason I wanted to know what it said before releasing the information it held. Perhaps it was my insatiable desire to know everything before stating a theory; perhaps it was another, less detectable charm protecting the letter. I suppose I shall never really know.

I didn't realize at the time that I would never share the letter's contents. It was over a week before I was alone enough to get to the letter. I felt like I had been breaking some law that night. I was as ashamed of myself as I had been when I broke into Professor Snape's personal stores all those years ago. Yet it seemed to have the same justification: it was for a good cause. At least, it might be… Right?

I had taken a deep breath and with shaky hands I slowly opened the letter, afraid that it would explode or release some sort of hex the moment it was opened; it didn't. When I finally gained enough courage to open my eyes I was shocked. It couldn't be… Could it? Everything I knew about Snape suddenly shriveled away like it had never existed. For the longest time I just stared at the letter. I read it that night at least a dozen times, just to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. I was about to go share the news with Harry, knowing that this letter was extremely important, when a realization hit me: If I ever showed this letter to any of the Order, they would immediately toss it out as a fake. So I stopped myself at the door, my hand on the doorknob, and backed away. No, I wouldn't share this with them, I would keep it safe. I folded it and concealed it on my person, hidden away from view. I smiled to myself. I had a little secret that might prove to be important later on.

Weeks passed by without much thought to the letter and the secrets it possessed; that _I_ possessed by having it. The reason I had kept it had begun to escape me as we continued the search. The Order was down to the last two pieces of the puzzle, yet I felt something was missing. I pondered the thought until later that day, as I was laying in bed, I felt the distinctive crinkle of paper underneath me. The letter. I took it back out and read it again, and again, as if I hadn't ever seen it before. It perplexed me to no end. I wanted, no, _needed_ to know if the letter was real. Yet, I could see no way of finding that information out. The only person that could confirm its truth was either dead or in hiding. I sighed to myself then, knowing that the knowledge would never be revealed to me. I folded the letter and put it back in its hiding spot, firmly attached to my back. I was determined to forget about it.

Have you ever noticed that the moment you _try _to forget about something, that it suddenly becomes an obsession? The more I pushed it from my mind, the more I thought of it, the more I needed to know. There was only one way that I could find out, but that would reveal my secret. Or… No, I couldn't do that… Yet.

Finding Professor Snape became my new private obsession. Had Harry known of my solitary escapade he would have thrown a complete tantrum, especially since he had that same objective in mind but for an entirely different reason. I was becoming a traitor, all because of a letter. I felt horrible and excited at the same time. I had a personal project, for the first time since school. Ron and Harry had pushed me to the side as their information 'specialist' the moment they closed down Hogwarts. I was still there, but I didn't feel anywhere near as useful. So I was planning to find Professor Snape and talk with him behind Harry's back. They would find him eventually anyway, so why speed up the man's death? While he was a horrible man, I couldn't sign his death warrant, which is what it would be doing if I led them to him. So I had to be careful about what I was doing.

Over the next few weeks I developed an arsenal of defensive spells and hiding charms to deflect a possible defense attack from the Professor when I found him, as well as cover my tracks from prying eyes. Once I had all these things figured out and perfected, I only had the hard part to cover. Figuring out where he might be. Scrying wouldn't work, nor would any of the locator spells, because all of those had been used before. So what to do? I took out the envelope, staring at it as I made my decision. I was born Muggle after all, so why not do it their way? Old-fashioned research and tracking. I would go to the address on the letter. It was different from any of the others we had visited, so I might find something there. My next problem was getting out of the house for a day or two. I devised my plan over the next hour, and went to sleep, content.

I woke the next day and quickly dressed, arsenal of spells in mind, and went down the stairs of the current Order Headquarters. "I'm going out."

"Are you _mad_?" It was Ron. "Hold up and I'll go with you. Don't you realize that it's a bloody war out there?"

I crossed my arms and raised my chin. "I do _not_ need you to accompany me everywhere, Ron, or anyone else for that matter. I _am _a big girl, I can take care of myself. I am going to _walk _to Muggle London, it's a whole five minutes from here. I think I can handle it."

"But Hermione, the Death-"

"I _know_ Ron, I am not daft. If I bring a whole brigade of people into the bookstore with me, who just stand guard for the whole day I am there, I think it will command more attention. Honestly. I'll be fine."

He just stared at me a moment and I quickly took my leave. I hadn't lied, I did walk to the library. Then I walked out the other entrance and went down a side-street into a nice dark deserted alley. The perfect place to put my untraceable charms down. Before long I was able to Apparate to my destination.

With the nauseating _CRACK! _that came with Apparating I was there. It was a small rundown house located, it seemed, literally in the middle of nowhere. I entered the house cautiously and was completely taken aback by what I saw.

It was Professor Snape himself, sitting at the desk facing away from the door at the other side of the room. Nothing like being caught off-guard, expecting to find nothing but a house to search for clues for him, and he was already here. Well, that scratched several of my plans. I was pondering whether or not I was excited or sad over this bit of information when I realized I should actually pay attention to what I was doing. I stumbled into the small place and closed the door, all while keeping my eyes and wand on him. He didn't even stir. He must have heard me, as much as he seemed to always see me in school when I was trying to be quiet and invisible. Around corners in the dark.

My hand began to shake as I neared him. He _had _to know I was there, he was merely waiting for something; but what? Then he spoke.

"What are you waiting for? You came here to kill me, didn't you?" He didn't even turn around.

I stared at him blankly for a moment. Well, that was unexpected. I had expected a barrage of hexes or Unforgivables to be thrown at me. I had even prepared for a number of other scenarios, but this was definitely not one of them. Blatant surrender had never occurred to me when involving this particular man. "I, um… No, not really, that is…" Nice job, Hermione.

He immediately spun around at my voice, eyes narrowed in realization at the identity of his intruder. "Miss Granger? Might I ask what in the bloody HELL you are doing here if not sounding the bells for the rest of the troops to come in and kill me?"

"To talk."

I'm not sure if he was more surprised by my answer or the fact I was even there to begin with. "Somehow, I highly doubt that." He suddenly donned a bemused smirk. "Tell me then, Miss Granger, you went behind all your friend's backs to find me, merely to have tea and talk? By yourself? Have you forgotten that I happen to be a very deadly wizard, or has your mind really taken that far a tumble because of one year missed of school?" He crossed his arms then leaned back in his chair.

This definitely was not the greeting I was prepared for. He was almost being… Friendly. I didn't know how to respond to a friendly Snape, yet I did my best anyway. "Yes, yes, no and no." I paused and added, "I wanted to know something."

He was definitely amused. "I see. I take it that this piece of knowledge is more important to you than your own life, as you came here in full knowledge that I might attack you upon your arrival?"

I glared at him. I muttered, "I was more prepared for that, actually." I was surprised at myself. I was actually holding a real conversation with him, and he was only taunting me a little, when he then had more firepower than normal to throw at me. "It isn't the first time that I risked my life for the pursuit of knowledge."

He was suddenly on his feet, wand in hand and I found I no longer had mine. Somehow I had come to a disadvantage. I should have known he would have done something. He was being nice… For him… "You stupid, stupid girl. Did you honestly think I would sit there and let you taunt me? Where are they? I know you couldn't have come alone. Your chance to have my life has passed you by. Now, tell me, or I will take yours." He pressed his wand to my throat and I backed myself up to the wall.

"I… I wasn't lying, sir." Fear ebbed itself deeply in my heart and I closed my eyes, trying to control my breathing. "I…" I was going to die, wasn't I? "Before you kill me will you at least answer my question? If you don't I will haunt your soul for all eternity till you do." Well, there, it was out. I opened my eyes.

I wanted to laugh at his expression, but I knew better. He looked completely shocked. "You really are stupid aren't you?" It wasn't a question to be answered. He cocked his head a moment and seemed to consider it for a moment. "Fine, the question, as it seems to be all important, and it better be, or else you are never going to feel the niceties of breathing again."

"I wanted to know if the letter was real."

"What?" He raised his brow, obviously confused.

I sighed and retrieved the letter from its hiding place and handed it out to him. "I wanted to know if this letter is real or forged. I don't know why, but I need to know."

He grabbed it from my hand and turned pale and practically threw it back at me. He turned from me and sat back into the chair. "Perhaps it is, then again, perhaps not. If I said anything, would you actually believe me?"

"It is real then." It had to have been. If it weren't real, the answer to that question would have been outright.

"How are you so certain of that, when I did not even answer the question?" He narrowed his eyes again in his usual calculating manner. He continued on before I could answer. "Have you shared the information yet, Miss Granger?"

"Well, no. They would have immediately discarded it without some proof…"

"And do you think that proof would go well with a 'Well, Professor Snape said' speech? Somehow, I don't believe it will." He paused, "Might I ask, what is it you came to accomplish today? If, by some chance you are telling me the truth that you came alone, without any others knowing of it, what did you think I would do? Simply let you go? I have no other place to go, Miss Granger, than the very place the Potters used to once live. They set me aside to wait until the battle, for I am a liability now that everyone is after me. So, here I wait, unnoticed, untraced, until you. Now, Miss Granger, you hold the only thing that might connect me to this place. Do you really think I will pat you on the back, congratulate you on your achievement on finding me when no other could?"

Oops. "I hadn't really thought that far."

He smirked. "You never _did _think that far, did you? Always the problem solver, yet you only get to the problem itself, never the aftermath." He gave a brief incantation and the letter was gone from my hand and back into his. He dropped it and it turned to flame. "Give me your word you will never mention this to anyone, as well as promise to return every week, alone, and I shall let you go."

I suddenly panicked. "Return, sir?"

He turned from me. "Yes, Miss Granger, return. You might not believe this, but I am on Potter's side, even though it might not seem so. You might be my only chance to have an influence on his surviving this war. Promise me."

I studied him a moment, and realized he was telling the truth. He seemed to be worn, his stance not quite so foreboding as it had been while I was his student. I had just seen him in a way I never had before, he wasn't just the feared but respected Potions Master and Dark Wizard, but a man who seemed stretched too thin, whose options had just run out. "I promise."

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards. "Then I shall see you in a week, Miss Granger. Good day." He shoved me out the door, and quickly closed it.

I carefully retraced my steps back to the dark alley, back to the library, then back to the Headquarters. As soon as I entered I stuck my tongue out at Ron. "See, I told you I would be fine," and quickly ran up to my room. I had to breathe. I had just agreed to meet with Professor Snape every week. I must have gone completely mad. He was the enemy!

Yet, even though the letter was destroyed, it's words repeated in my head.

_Dearest Severus,_

_I wrote to tell you thank you for the warning. I have worked a way to make it seem the warning has come from another source to keep you from being found out as well. I apologize for not letting you know about Harry before this, before you found out from someone else. I must tell you that I forgive you for what you've done, you didn't know. I appreciate you trying to protect me, but I doubt he will care much for your words when he comes for us. If he finds us, he will kill me, I know this. Tomorrow we will be leaving for our new home until we are again safe. I hope this letter finds you well, it has been awhile since I've seen you, though I understand. You never did get on well with James, it is such a pity, really. I wanted to let you know that if it were up to me, you would be Harry's godfather, but James overruled me. I suppose it was reasonable, you being school enemies and all, but still…_

_At any rate, I apologize again for everything… but you do make things hard, you know._

_Until next time,_

_Lily_

The letter had been hard to believe, yet I needed to for some reason. There was simply something about Snape that always made me want to protect him, even from all the name calling in my younger years. I sighed. I never knew how much that promise to Professor Snape would change everything I had ever planned for.


End file.
